


Voicemails.

by lipysoul



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-11-29 06:10:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18219248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lipysoul/pseuds/lipysoul
Summary: After a rough break up a month ago, Hyunjin finds herself sitting in her room at 3 am leaving Heejin voicemails all night.





	Voicemails.

“ **_Hey .. it’s me again .. Hyunjin._ **

 

**_I know we haven’t spoken in a month but .._ **

**_I heard you went on vacation for your celebration._ **

 

**_I was very happy to hear that, you deserved it_ **

 

**_I can’t help but stay up thinking if you would’ve taken me with you if we didn’t end things- ahh who am I kidding of course you would’ve .. you’re selfless like that._ **

 

**_I’m sorry for calling you randomly, I don’t even know what time it is wherever you are but I miss you .. god Heejin I miss you so much._ **

 

**_I’m so sorry ..”_ **

 

**_*beep*_ **

 

Hyunjin sighed as she heard the sound of the voicemail ending. She hung up the phone before the automated voice started talking again. 

 

Holding the phone close to her she started crying for the tenth time that night, Heejin wasn’t answering her phone and she expected her not to but some part of her hoped she would hear the girls sweet “hello” on the other line tonight. 

 

It’s been a month since they’ve spoken or seen each other and it was driving Hyunjin absolutely nuts. Hyunjin knew she fucked up bad this time but she didn’t know that it was the Heejin’s last straw, she took it for granted and instead of trying to fix it she let it get worse and Heejin cut her off. 

 

Just like that Heejin broke up with her and walked out of her life as if Hyunjin meant nothing. 

 

And Hyunjin was starting to believe she meant nothing. 

 

It was 3:25 am and for the third night in the row Hyunjin knew she wasn’t going to be able to sleep. Closing her eyes would be too painful for her, she would see Heejin everytime, dream of Heejin everytime. Dream of somehow calling her at the right time and Heejin begging her to come pick her up and sweep her off her feet but that was only a dream. 

 

This is reality.

 

Hyunjin felt broken beyond repair, lost and confused. She thought of ways to approach her ex girlfriend around campus but chickened out everytime, in some odd way she was afraid of Heejin. 

 

Now, Heejin was as intimidating as a kitten but that night when she left Hyunjin at the park alone was the scariest Hyunjin ever saw her. Her face showed no emotion, every word that came out of her mouth lacked passion and it left Hyunjin speechless. How could someone so sweet and kind, someone so full of life look so mean and so  _ lifeless?  _

 

Hyunjin picked up the phone again, unlocking it and staring at her contact name. Usually after not talking to someone for a little while Hyunjin would erase the contact name and delete the number but to no surprise Heejin’s contact name was still there, staring at her. 

 

And for the eleventh time tonight she pressed the call button and was met with the familiar automated voice that felt like it was waiting for her everytime. 

 

**_“I hope you know that I never meant to hurt you .. I never meant to Heejin._ **

 

**_But you didn’t let me fix it you just-_ **

 

**_Why did you leave?_ **

 

**_You just left me .. broken and confused .. I could’ve fixed it. I could’ve fixed us but you .. you just left._ **

 

**_So why am I the one being ignored .._ **

 

**_Why am I the one suffering ..”_ **

 

**_*beep*_ **

 

Hyunjin brokedown as she heard the beep. For a second she thought it was real, that Heejin answered and just stood quiet listening to her blurt out nonsense but it wasn’t and Hyunjin was laying there with her hand over her mouth, silently crying. 

 

Hyunjin was broken and it was her own fault. 

 

She just needed to be there, to fulfill the promises she made with the girl who’s now ignoring her existence. She needed to take her mistakes and fix them but she didn’t.

 

More tears poured down Hyunjin’s face as she remembered exactly why she was in this position now. 

 

_ “Boo!” Hyunjin jumped up a bit holding her chest dramatically.  _

 

_ “Jesus- you scared me” Heejin laughed as she back hugged the taller girl. “The big and bad Hyunjin ? Scared ? We got her .. we got her .. yeah” Heejin mocked as her girlfriend pushed her off.  _

 

_ “Oh shut up, don’t you have class?” Hyunjin pulled the smaller girl on her lap immediately wrapping her arms around her.  _

 

_ “I mean I do but all you have to do is tell me not to go and I won’t go” Heejin pushed some hair out of her girlfriends face before booping her nose. “aaaand I also came to make to sure you’re still coming to my show” _

 

_ Hyunjin jokingly side-eyed her which Heejin caught and rolled her eyes to “babeeee come on your sister and I worked super hard and you know it’s important for me”  _

 

_ “I’m joking baby you know I’ll be there, even if I end up in prison tomorrow I’ll Michael Scofield my way out that bitch and be there” Heejin laughed at Hyunjin’s cute but corny way of being funny, resting her head on her girlfriends shoulder.  _

 

_ “I might have the whole Police Department on my ass but as long as i’m there it’s worth it”  _

 

_ “Oh shut up you corn ball” Despite calling her a cornball she couldn’t stop laughing, Heejin was well aware that Hyunjin wasn’t funny but every single time she tried to be, Heejin found herself on the verge of tears from laughing so hard.  _

 

_ “I wouldn’t miss it for the world Heejin, not this time. I promise.” Hyunjin made sure her girlfriend was making eye contact with her. She wanted Heejin to feel safe and reassured at all times, so if that meant sacrificing a few things on her schedule to make Heejin happy she was going to do it.  _

 

_ “Pinky swear?” Heejin asked cutely holding out her pinky.  _

 

_ “Pinky swear.” Hyunjin wasted no time intertwining their pinkies together, kissing each other’s hand before planting a big kiss on Heejin’s soft lips.  _

 

_ Heejin took pinky swears seriously, Hyunjin knew that and she was gonna make sure she kept her promise.  _

 

She didn’t. 

 

Hyunjin punched the wall beside her as the memory of that morning played in her head. 

 

She wanted to pull her hair out everytime she thought about it, she wanted it to stop, to just go away but it just kept replaying and replaying and replaying until Hyunjin couldn’t take it anymore. Picking up her phone once again and dialing her number. 

 

**_“I’m an idiot Heejin I know .._ **

 

**_But this idiot loves you so much._ **

 

**_you don’t know how bad I feel .. It’s been a month and I can’t get that look out of my head .. the one when you told me you were done._ **

 

**_I hurt you bad and I will never forgive myself for it and I don’t expect you to .. shit I didn’t even expect you to stick around for so long._ **

 

**_I’m a worthless piece of shit who breaks promises left and right .. I don’t deserve you .. I never did._ **

 

**_But .. something just won’t let me let you leave._ **

 

**_I’m .. in love with you Jeon Heejin._ **

 

**_*beep*_ **

 

Hyunjin let her phone drop on the bed, not wanting to hear that annoying voice again. Frustrated, she ran her fingers through her hair, aggressively scraping her fingernails against her scalp. It hurt. But Hyunjin felt like she deserved that. 

 

More tears formed in her eyes as she sat up, Hyunjin hated this part at night. Where she just feels completely lost and hopeless, knowing and half accepting that Heejin just won’t pick up the phone or she would’ve done it by now. 

 

_ “Don’t touch me, Hyunjin.”  _

 

_ “But baby-“  _

 

_ “Just- just don’t talk. Listen.”  _

 

_ Standing in front of the park bench, Heejin stood her ground. She kept her head up and her face serious, she wanted Hyunjin to feel her anger even if she was trembling inside. Knowing what she was about to do was going to hurt the both of them, but she was done. This was the last time Kim Hyunjin was going to break her promises.  _

 

_ And her heart.  _

 

_ “Do you have any idea how it feels to see everyone on your team receive love and support from their loved ones but you?” Heejin spat out, her words came out more aggressive than she planned but she just continued.  _

 

_ “You don’t. Because even when YOUR family is too busy to make it to one of your games or boxing matches, I’m right there cheering you on” Hyunjin stood there in silence, knowing if she tried to justify her actions it was only going to make this worse for her.  _

 

_ “Yerim was even disappointed but she still tried to make excuses for you. I couldn’t even be mad at her, she’s your sister why would I expect her to understand or to even feel what I felt in that moment, she had Hyejoo and her parents there. I had nobody.” Heejin felt a lump in her throat as that last sentence slipped out.  _

 

_ Hyunjin let the tears fall down her face, she wanted so badly to get on her knees and apologize until the sun came up but deep down she knew it wasn’t going to do anything.  _

 

_ “You knew-“ Heejin took a breather for a moment knowing what she was about to say next was going to have her bawling in the next 10 seconds whether she liked it or not.  _

 

_ “You knew my parents wouldn’t come, that if you weren’t there, I would have nobody .. and yet you still didn’t show up” Heejin let the words flow out and to no surprise the tears slowly came out.  _

 

_ “I- practice ran late and I lost track of time during the scrimmage, it wasn’t intentional Heejin I swear” Hyunjin replied softly keeping her head down. She hated herself for not paying attention, she reminded herself all day to check the time, ask about the time. get there early. don’t be late. _

 

_ But ended up missing the whole thing.  _

 

_ “Practice” Heejin repeated and then laughed. _

 

_ “Practice, wow silly me I forgot that’s more important than your girlfriends life changing performance”  _

 

_ Heejin replied sarcastically wiping the tears from her face. “I don’t even know why I’m crying over this, it’s not the first time you did this, right baby?”  _

 

_ Baby? Hyunjin was just confused as ever, Heejin was smiling wiping the tears from her face and calling her baby .. yeah Hyunjin needed to say something quick or Heejin was going to explode any moment.  _

 

_ “I know I fucked up .. but let me make it up to you Heejin, I swear it will never happen again” Hyunjin stepped closer to the smaller girl who just stepped back.  _

 

_ “You want to make it up to me? Okay, find a time machine and go back to when you didn’t show up- oh wait you can’t” Heejin replied with a straight face, her words coming out aggressive and her eyes were red but her face had no emotion to it and it scared the shit out of Hyunjin.  _

 

_ Hyunjin didn’t know what to say so she just didn’t say anything and that was probably the worst thing she could’ve done right now. _

 

_ “You know what Hyunjin, this .. this is done” The smaller girl pointed between them and Hyunjin felt her heart shatter.  _

 

_ “W-what do you mean done? Heejin that’s ridiculous, we’ve been together for 2 years” Hyunjin was confused? hurt? sad? she didn’t know what to feel but she knew she was numb.  _

 

_ “2 years and you haven’t changed! You will never change Hyunjin. Sports and friends will always be important to you. That’s just the type of person you are.” That was the first sign of emotion Hyunjin had seen from her girlfriend tonight, was that a good thing or a bad thing?  _

 

_ “I can’t do it anymore, I can’t .. and I won’t.” Heejin backed away and every step she took felt like Hyunjin’s heart was being pulled with her. Ripping out of her chest. Hyunjin stepped forward, reaching for her but she just pulled away.  _

 

_ “Heejin .. what the fuck are you saying? I can change, I’m not that kind of person this wasn’t intentional!” Hyunjin felt frustrated, she knew she fucked up but it wasn’t on purpose, she genuinely lost track of time and yeah she deserved to be yelled at and at least given the silent treatment but ending a 2 year long relationship because of a mistake that she can fix felt unfair.  _

 

_ This time Heejin was the silent one, mostly because she was fighting back tears.  _

 

_ “I’m done Hyunjin, please don’t follow me” Heejin said softly unable to look Hyunjin in the eyes so she stared at bench next to them before turning away.  _

 

_ “For fucks sake Heejin you’re not leaving me!” Heejin felt her flannel being pulled back then felt strong arms wrap themselves around her, hugging her from the back.  _

 

_ Hyunjin let it all out as she buried her face in the smaller girl’s neck. Heejin silently cried, putting her head down, sighing.  _

 

_ “Let go ..”  _

 

_ “No.” _

 

_ “Let go Hyunjin ..”  _

 

_ “I can’t.”  _

 

_ “It’s over ..” The smaller girls voice cracked as she struggled not to cry. Heejin absolutely hated this, hurting Hyunjin like this was something she’ll hate herself for, forever but staying and letting Hyunjin break her heart little by little was something she would never be able to forgive herself for.  _

 

_ So she took a deep breath, composed herself and pushed the taller girl off of her who was weak from crying, she held onto Heejin’s flannel but was still too weak to hold onto it long enough after Heejin pulled it from her grip.  _

 

_ Hyunjin stumbled back full on bawling by now.  _

 

_ “Heejin baby please ..”  _

 

_ “You’ll never change Kim Hyunjin and I see that now” was the last thing she said before turning her back towards her former lover and walking away.  _

 

_ Heejin didn’t hold back, letting every tear come out as she heard Hyunjin’s pleads and cries for her to come back and it took everything in her not to go back.  _

 

_ Heejin walking out of her life, possibly forever was the last thing Hyunjin saw that night before her whole world turned upside down. _

 

Hyunjin sat on the floor leaning against her bed, her head was buried in her hands as she rocked back and forth. 

 

_ Kim Hyunjin you will never change. _

 

Those words kept replaying in her head and everytime Hyunjin would sigh. 

 

It wasn’t right. Those words just weren’t sitting right with her, Hyunjin was fully capable of changing. She just didn’t know what she needed to change, her time management? her communication skills? she didn’t know. Heejin said a lot that night but nothing about what or why she needed to change. 

 

Maybe that’s why Heejin didn’t answer her calls, maybe somehow, someway Heejin was watching her from wherever she was. Waiting until she figured out what she needed to do but it’s been a month and if Hyunjin didn’t figure this shit out by now she was never going to. 

 

Then again maybe there wasn’t anything to change, maybe Heejin realized she just wasn’t in love with her anymore and decided to not to care whether she “changed” or not. 

 

**_“It’s me .. once again._ **

 

**_I don’t know if you’re listen to these .. god I hope you are .._ **

 

**_but shit Heejin I need to know if you still care._ **

 

**_I need to know .. I’m not going to lie to you I’ve been confused and lost ever since you left .._ **

 

**_I quit the basketball team and dropped out of my boxing program .. I couldn’t find the energy to continue anymore._ **

 

**_you said I would never change but you never told me what I should change so I just changed everything._ **

 

**_I don’t know what the fuck it’s suppose to do because you aren’t even here .._ **

 

**_What the fuck am I even saying-_ **

 

**_*beep*_ **

 

Hyunjin let out a loud whine as the beep interrupted her. 

 

Maybe that was for the best, she didn’t know where the fuck she was going with that or what she would even say next. She still felt frustrated when she was met with a loud beeping noise instead of Heejin’s deep voice. 

 

God did she want to hear the sound of that voice right now. She just wanted Heejin to answer, even if she just stood there silently listening it would’ve been okay, if she yelled at her some more that would be even better because she’s not ignoring her. 

 

It was now 5:30 AM and Hyunjin was sure her eyes were bloodshot red from exhaustion and crying all night but she couldn’t give up. She couldn’t let Heejin go, not like she did that night when they broke up. She needed her girl back. 

 

So without hesitation this time Hyunjin wiped her tears away, gathered herself up and press the call button for what would be the 100th time that night. 

 

And instead of being met with that annoying automated voice she was met with that sweet deep voice she was craving to hear all night.

 

“Hello.” 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> wrote this at 1 am and now I’m in my feelings smh.
> 
> There’s a little cliffhanger at the end, I’m debating if I should continue the story or leave it up to your imagination (?)


End file.
